My Journey Into Positive Parenting

So, I have always thought of myself as a parent that provides positive learning experiences, healthy foods, fun activities, structure, love, attention etc...yet I struggled DAILY, fighting and having power struggles with my bonus kids (I have 3 step sons that I helped raise from 4, 6, & 8 years old) My oldest step son and I had the most strain and disdain for one another and I found it almost impossible to be around him without being angered or upset by his behavior. So, I withdrew. I hid. I hung up my stepmom hat and avoided and resented. It caused so much tension in our home. We tried family counseling, private therapy, getting him a mentor, setting up an IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) to help him through school, yoga, family outings, freedom, restriction, activities, you name it and nothing seemed to help. He ended up moving out to his mothers at almost 15 and almost instantly we all felt a difference.



A few months later though, I noticed the same fights, the same resistance in my other boys. They were always the easiest kids! I don't get it? I was at a complete loss, went into defense mode and reverted back to what I knew. Authoritarian. Now, what did that get me? Nothing but strained relationships just like my oldest. I blamed him. I said, he must be trying to convince them, they must miss him, they blame me. ALL OF THE THINGS. I didn't know what to do. I withdrew again, accepting that they must not love me or need me.

That's when it hit me, it's not my kids fault. It's mine. I mean. yes, all the other stuff that was done against them didn't help but I needed to change in order to see positive change with them. I decided then that I must soften and this is where my journey began.


Fast forward to when my daughter was born. My momma heart grew more than I ever imagined and as she got older and showed us how very stubborn, strong willed and also how amazing she is. This also proved how my previous default parenting would NEVER work on her. This is when I got the push I needed. I did not wait 6 years, lose 3 babies, lose my relationship with my oldest just to go ahead and keep the same perspective and parent the same way. I needed a change, a different view, some science, some books, some support.


Parallel to that discovery, I was finishing up my sleep coaching certification and starting to take on clients. What I was finding was that I was coaching parents to tune in to their child's feeding and sleeping cues. It was less to do about sleep and more to do with learning how to tune into their parental instincts and importantly learning about their child's brain developmental stage and how to work within it not against it. That's when it smacked me upside the head. I needed more skills and training to work with this and truly be an effective coach. This was way more than sleep. This was about needing support to break cycles and get a better hold on your inner voice. How could I help people with this is I was struggling myself? I raised my daughter so far on instinct and it's been a really beautifully connected experience. She is securely attached and knows momma has her bumpers up and will let her find her way a bit first. But my old patterns kept popping up and I knew I needed support and education to rewire my nervous system so that I could learn how to calm that fight or flight reaction that reared its ugly head so that I could model the behavior I want her to emulate.


Remember that saying? "Children learn what they live". It's true.


I very often listen to my intuition and follow signs that sometimes smack me in the face or gently whisper in my ear. Through following that voice, I found this program that wasn't just a bunch of behavior modification ideas but a full process that forced me to look deep within and reconfigure MY default pattern and change MY reactions, MY beliefs and become present and accountable to MY transformation for 12 weeks. We worked with the nervous system, secure attachment, figured out our triggers and learned how to name it to tame it so that we can feel it in our bodies and catch our reaction by learning the power of the pause. Learning also that when we miss the pause and react, owning our reaction and apologizing without blame is the best way to mend. This was about breaking cycles and creating safety within our system so that our children feel safe. My husband and I are breaking cycles and changing our patterns so that we can pass down this legacy. It's not easy, there were a lot of tears, I felt a ton of guilt but making this a daily practice has been life changing. We have a better connected family and guess what, it's never too late. My 13 & 16 year old feel the changes and I can see now what safety and secure attachment can do for a family. I can feel how relaxed they are and they are doing amazing. It's waking up and setting an intention that you will work hard and do your best with the skills you learn. This process is great to start your parenting off but it's literally never too late. We are proof of that.



Now I get to guide others on this journey and I'm so excited! I am working with 2 families soon for 12 weeks so I can fine tune this process and strengthen my skills and theirs! I will keep you posted on when I will open this service up officially.


Wanna book a call to see how I can help guide you through pregnancy, birth and postpartum? Click here to schedule your call


I'm Ailish! I am a Hypnobirthing instructor, birth coach, and so much more. I believe birth is a normal natural event and I'm sick of coercion and trauma happening in our current medical system. I help you navigate the hospital business as well as help you understand physiological birth (birth as it is) so you know what is normal and healthy and feel prepared and confident. With me, you will learn about ALL of your options, how brain science helps us in birth, how deep relaxation is key, and how you have inner wisdom and intuition that I want you to tap into. Click this link to set up a free consult with me to see how I can guide you in your early parenthood.


Check out my website here and sign up for news, tips and tricks!

www.ailishlewis.com





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